Live life and smile

[Edit] I just realized how long this is, so I’m going to cut it shorter in hopes that I don’t clog up people’s newsfeeds and such… 

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My ochem midterm is a few days away and I’m seriously freaked out about it.  And it’s just a midterm!  But every time I think about how much I need to study, how little I know, and how my professor is going to royally screw with my head on the test, my heart stops for a moment.

So I’ve said no to every fun thing that has happened over the past few days to study, which makes me feel like a party-pooper.  But I’m terrified of this test.

A note of encouragement would be nice from my followers.  But then again, you guys are probably busy with tests and other stuff hahaha.  I just keep saying to myself, Jer 29:11.

Ahhhhh I think my stomach is turning into a butterfly farm. 

That gif pretty much sums up my feelings as I look at my ochem textbook.

I’ve been following God all my life. Raised up in a Christian household, grew up in a church, the whole thing.  But I haven’t been seekingGod all my life.  The two are very different things.  Following means that you’re going along for the ride, and that’s alright.  Trying to do the right things, walking through daily life.  That’s alright.  

But it’s just alright.  

It can’t grow beyond that.  

Seeking means you engage in the tensions.  It means giving up everything that’s in the way.  And when I mean everything, I mean everything.  Not the “this stuff will be easy to let go of” type of everything.  I mean the “my world just might fall down and break apart” type of everything.  Am I willing to do that?  Am I willing to seek who God is?  Because if I put all my heart and my soul into seeking who God is, I know it’s going to be scary.  It’s going to bring up a lot of my junk from my past.  It’s going to bring up a lot of lies that I tell myself.  Seeking God means believing that He can heal me.  Do I want to be healed?  Because being healed changes everything.

Am I ready for that?

Seeking is hard, scary, terrifying.  But seeking means believing that God has more for you.  He wants you to realize that He has more for you.  Realizing that He wants to crash into you and radically change your life because He has MORE for YOU.  

I think I want that.  

I’m ready.